1. |
The Real War
03:42
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The walls are caving in
on Fort Ontario
the situation's grim
and our outlook's dreary, oh
we're weary and we're wounded
and the gloom is getting grating
as the agony of everyday
seems to never be abating
The real war
Is inside your head
It's that existential dread
That follows you into bed
The real war
Is to keep your chin up high
When you'd rather break down and cry
The real war
Is inside your head
It's that existential dread
That follows you into bed
The real war
Is to keep your spirits high
By filling your head up with lies!
I'm not even in Oswego
See me dash through gay Paris
to the Mouton Blanc do we go...
to dance with mon cheri
France is so beautiful this time of year!
Cherry blossoms line the streets, just like Ben Franklin said!
You dance divinely, mon amour.
So do you, corporal.
Our professional opinion
Is the problem with these guys is
Their minds have all been broken
By too much existential crisis
Yes our minds have all been broken
By too much existential crisis
Now their psyches are a-foggin
And we sadly cannot un-rattle
So we clock'm on the noggin
And send them back to battle!
(A light tap on the head with mallets.)
OW!
A-ten, hut!
The walls are caving in
On Fort Ontario
The Brits are docked outside
And they’re waving cheerio
Their bayonets are sharp
And their cannons fortified
And the only thing that’d scare them off
Is the bleakness here inside
We're weary and we're wounded
And the gloom is getting grating
As the agony of everyday
Seems to never be abating
MCCROBIE
The agony of everyday
FULTON
Seems to never be abating
Hey… I don't even know what that word means!
Which word?
Abating.
In this context, it’s kinda like negating.
Oh. Many thanks for your translating.
The real war
Is inside your head
It’s that existential dread
That follows you into bed
The real war
Is to keep your chin up high
When the odds are you're gonna die
The real war
Is inside your head
It’s that existential dread
That follows you into bed
The real war
Is to keep your spirits high
When you'd rather break down and
Rather break down and
Rather break down and cry
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2. |
The Scheme of Things
03:29
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Life is but a systematic transient delusion
None of it means nothing, see it's not all that confusing
The essence of your being's the self wrestling with abstractions
So really there's no purpose, not to any of your actions!
So really there's no purpose, not to any of our actions!
In the scheme of things
In the scheme of things
You mean nothing in the scheme of things
In the scheme of things -
[baritone attempt] You’re pathetic…
You’re pathetically…
You! Help me out.
You’re pathetically small!
You mean nothing in the scheme of things!
We mean nothing in the scheme of things!
But don't take it to heart my lads, it tisn’t all bad. After all, you needn't worry yourselves about the moral implications of your actions. Just follow what your superiors say, and you won’t have a care in the world. If only you knew how microscopic you are on a cosmic scale, you’d revel in your very unimportance!
Our universe expands at speeds no mortal man can reckon
When you think about it we grow smaller by the second
To combat insignificance we conjured up divinity
For dealing with the horrors of unthinkable infinity
Yes! To help us with the horrors of unthinkable infinity
In the scheme of things
In the scheme of things
You mean nothing in the scheme of things
In the scheme of things -
You are laughably-
Laughably…
Corporal. A little help.
You are laughably small!
You mean nothing in the scheme of things!
We mean nothing in the scheme of things!
But that isn't to say you don't serve a greater purpose.
We do?!
Why certainly, boys! For, you see, most humans live their entire existence without any awareness of their inner-mental life or the reasons for their behavior. But luckily, there exists a privileged class, one that is well-educated in such matters (and commensurately compensated) that has mercifully stepped in to do the thinking for you! And it is your solemn duty to obey us without question.
No thinking for me!
What a relief!
The roaring tide of patriotism’s one effective sales pitch
War is but an enterprise to help the richer get more rich
As long as their are fighting men, ready willing and able
Your wealthy overlords will not leave money on the table
As long as there are fighting men, ready willing and able
Your wealthy overlords will not leave money on the table
No! Our wealthy overlords will not leave money on the table!
In the scheme of things
In the scheme of things
We mean nothing in the scheme of things
In the scheme of things
You are infinites—
You are infinitesimal…
You are infinitesimally small!
You mean nothing in the scheme of things!
We mean nothing in the scheme of things!
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3. |
Torrance Entry
00:54
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4. |
Beauty Is Your Duty
04:41
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5. |
Last Night's Spices
03:05
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I make me special puddin’
When things fall out me holes
My men they wish I wouldn’t
Grate in me dysplastic moles
I gots me little secrets
That every good chef knows
A tasty flavor you gets
From fungus between your toes
Please, ma’am, may I have some… less?
And you can sweeten porridge
With no sugar or vermouth
Simply go and forage
An abcess in your tooth
Now soldiers bones get brittle
So I shake in some me lices
For protein in their vittles
Then a whiff of last night’s spices
She cooks so tenderly
My heart turns to confit
You’re more prepared for wartime
When the apples all got crabs
And nothing strengthens enzymes
Like jellied roasted scabs
Ain’t nothing in me kitchen
Not simmered with polecat
Now everybody pitch in
And help me catch this rat
She cooks so tenderly
My heart ferments in chablis
The doctor recommended
I keep serving such cuisine
Your stomachs ain’t distended
Your bills of health are clean
Me dishes fight miasma
And keep all me soldiers trim
Speaking of me asthma
This stew's looking awfully skim
The purpose of me cookin’
Is tidying up your spleen
By making sure you’re bookin’
In a jiff to the latrine
So if your guts do curdle
Here's what my advice is
Tighten up your girdle, cuz
Thar blows tomorrow’s spices
Tuhlee! Tuhlee!
She cooks with splendor
For my Tuhlee’s tender!
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6. |
Just Deserts
03:14
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Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
Just as soon as dusk hits
We’ll shoot’m with our muskets
It’s a punishment that fits
Go ahead blow him to bits
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
The most common reasons for desertion, according to the Continental Academy of Military Statistics are as follows:
Failure to adapt to army life
Checking up on your unfaithful wife
Cowardice and self-reflection
Conscientious objection
Claims he’s Dionysian
In the off season
Highfalutin’ reason
To commit high treason
Claims he has a lesion
In his nether region
Blamin’ Dionysus
Gonna die tonight, sis
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
Seeing Tyler Hall desert in vain
We can feel the blood course through our veins
Some are lost, they don’t yet know their cause
Though there’s laws, a life’s too great a cost
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
Only punishment to suit
Barlow’s gotta execute
First let’s see that lesion
In his nether region
If I may get dialectical
Execution is great spectacle
It’s a sordid, unseemly affair
But it’s cheap entertainment, so I don’t care
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
Only punishment to suit
Barlow’s gotta execute
He seems like a nice fellow
Maybe we should let him go
First let’s see that lesion
In his nether region
Though there’s laws, a life’s too great a cost
It’s a punishment that fits
Go ahead blow him to bits
Some are lost, they don’t yet know their cause
Highfalutin’ reason
To commit high treason
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
Deserters deserve
To get just desserts
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7. |
Trial By Hurry
00:49
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Court is now in session
I’ll have order in my court
Forgo your legal questions
For I’d like to keep this short
We’ve a judge and we’ve a jury
And a capital offense
Plus we’re in a hurry
What’s the plea from the Defense?
Yes, we’re in a hurry
What’s the plea from the Defense?
In the matter of Tyler Hall deserting the 3rd Artillery, we would like to submit a plea of--
I didn’t miss the shootin’, did I?
No, my tender pearl! For I have vowed to save this fine man’s life.
Nothin’ gets me hotter under the collar than a bloody execution!
What is your plea?
I think we’re in agreement that this gentleman is guilty!
Yes we’re in agreement that this criminal is guilty!
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8. |
The Theatre of War
01:04
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The curtains rising up on Fort Ontario
Head to hair and makeup
Cuz there’s gonna be a show
Strike the lights and dress the set
Break a leg and hit the page
And you’ll see the truth in the platitude
The real drama’s all backstage
The Theatre of War
Is the stories we tell
When we make up our own lore
And it doesn’t all go to hell!
The Theater of War
Is playing your part
When the real war’s the war of art
The Theatre of War
Is the stories we tell
When we make up our own lore
And it doesn’t all go to hell!
The Theatre of War
Is standing in the light
And conquering your
Conquering your
Conquering your stagefright!
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9. |
Ashes to Ashes
02:13
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Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
May he rest in peace
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10. |
Man With A Mind
01:02
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You see that man o’er yonder there,
A man as tall as trees
He’s very very handsome, very very handsome, very very handsome indeed
He’s really quite handsome, really quite handsome, really quite handsome indeed
See, it’s showing that I’m more than just a brain.
I see that man o’er yonder there,
A man of letters and degrees
He’s very very handsome, very very handsome, very very handsome indeed
He’s really quite handsome, really quite handsome, really quite handsome indeed
I really hope that someday, hope someday he’ll marry me
A man with a mind who’s full of salt and brine, a man with a mind is he
A man with a mind intellectually refined, a man with a mind is he
A man with a mind, intellectually refined
A man with a mind is me!
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11. |
The War Of Art
02:14
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That which makes us laugh changes
Why we cry stays the same
Create art that outlives you
And you’ve conquered the grave
The soldier fights for another day
the artist to live forever
in due time they both decay, yet
one outlasts earthly endeavor
The artist battles the blank page
He fights for creative expression
His work inflames the minds of his age
For words are a most deadly weapon
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12. |
Hero To The Crown
02:04
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The fabric of society is built on
A shared commitment to a common view
The place that you call home
No matter where you roam
Will shape the very essence of your crew
It's said you can't have honour in your hometown
An adage which I've rarely found is true
For accolades were voiced
And on my head was foist
A hero's crown, so into it I grew
I'm a hero, to the Crown
A reward, I never even hoped for
In daily reverence
For every British sense
I made my country proud
I'm a hero, to the Crown
Bearing out the principles that wrought me
Our rich traditions passed
And memories amassed
Of beauty and duty
I’m a hero, to the Crown!
It looks as if you’re readying to kiss me!
Our love of country
Just happens to be
For different places across the same sea
I'm a hero, to the Crown
When I get home they’ll greet me with an ace cheer
Excuse me, you all must
For I’m about to bust
This Fort apart and instill deathly fear
He's a hero, to the Crown!
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13. |
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Tuhlee, my tender
I have news for you
We are the same, dear
British through and through
Torrie’s a Tory
Who’d ‘ave ever guessed?
A most romantic story
Two Tories now one flesh
Speaking of flesh, me boils need popping.
If you’re trying to turn me on, it’s working.
To you alone, I pledge myself
With loyalty unmatched
Sorry sir, can’t reciprocate
I want no strings attached
Have you an itch that
I may ably scratch?
Aye sir, ‘ere, just out my reach
I gots a weeping rash
We’re star-crossed royal lovers
Who met on hostile soil
These Yanks don’t like my cookery
Let’s turn it up to broil
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
How the flame doth yearn
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
In time all things burn
My heart burns
For tender Tuhlee
My loins burn
Me thinks it’s VD
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
How the flame doth yearn
Dust to dust
Ashes to ashes
In time all things burn
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25. |
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The Hysterical Society Oswego, New York
The 1812 Underture, a new comic operetta, premieres at Fort Ontario on September 22nd & 23rd, 2023.
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I'm slightly biased but man does this opening number rip. Toin it up!
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Conversations in Ritual
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This new album from the contemporary classical duo was completely improvised.
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Imprints 1 & 2
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These almost heartbreakingly gentle felted piano compositions have the delicacy and loveliness of slow-falling snow.
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Evergreen
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Rapturous compositions for violin that draw on the sounds of early music and folk as well as neo-classical.
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Hushed and quietly beautiful piano compositions from Simeon Walker that are as calming as spring ran.
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